What Are Friends For?
Epicurus on Friendship
Epicurus’ view on the value of friends has often been romanticised and equally often misunderstood. Epicurus himself seems to present contradictory views regarding the value of friendships. So does Epicurus want us to exploit our friends for our own good or not?
This article is part of The Ultimate Guide to Epicurus.
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Epicurean friendship
Much has been said about Epicurus and the value of friendship in his philosophy. According to some commentators, Epicurus was so associated with the concept of friendship in the ancient world, that when the Christians came around, they avoided talking about friendship, so as to not be confused for Epicureans.
Everybody with a passing interest in Christianity probably knows the famous passage of St Paul on love:
In contrast, St Paul never uses the words “friend” or “friendship” in his writings, and the most likely explanation is that these were just too firmly associated with the Epicurean community. (Not to mention that the image of the bearded, serene sage was well-known all over the Greek world and bears an uncanny resemblance to what we imagine Christ to have looked like).
But what exactly does Epicurus say about friendship?
A comprehensive overview of Erich Fromm’s philosophy of happiness. We discuss his life, his ideas and his main works, both in their historical context and how they are still relevant for us today.
Romanticising Epicurus
There is a tendency to romanticise Epicurus and his little circle of friends. Yes, they met in beautiful garden, in which they got drunk on happiness, water and plain bread. Yes, they lived together in peace, oblivious to the struggles of the world beyond their garden. Yes, they were an egalitarian community, in which slaves and women had the same rights as free men, which was revolutionary for the time.
But we must be careful not to read too much into Epicurus’ ideas on friendship. Stephanie Mills, whose wonderful and tender book “Epicurean Simplicity” we discussed previously, writes:
And Daniel Klein, in his “Travels with Epicurus,” praises the beauty of friendship, especially in old age:
This is all very nice, the picture of Epicurus’ friends flourishing in eternal friendship in the master’s Garden, under the shade of the olive trees. Unfortunately, Epicurus himself doesn’t seem to quite agree.
Old Age and Death
The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus emphasises that, in a world that works according to physical laws, nobody ought to be afraid of either the gods or one’s own death.
Epicurean friendship
We saw already at the beginning of this article the famous Epicurean quote:
- Of all the means which are procured by wisdom to ensure happiness throughout the whole of life, by far the most important is the acquisition of friends.
But that’s not all. Epicurus tells us more specifically what friendship is all about:
- The same conviction which inspires confidence that nothing we have to fear is eternal or even of long duration, also enables us to see that even in our limited conditions of life nothing enhances our security so much as friendship. (Principal Doctrines)
And if this is not clear enough, the master can say it even more bluntly:
- Every friendship in itself is to be desired; but the initial cause of friendship is from its advantages. … 34. We do not so much need the assistance of our friends as we do the confidence of their assistance in need. (Vatican Sayings)
So is Epicurus really saying that we should make friends only because they may come to our help when we need them? Is he really so calculating? Many, even in ancient times, have criticised him for this.
Daniel Klein: Travels with Epicurus.
A wonderfully human meditation on old age. A man travels to a Greek island with a suitcase full of books, in search of a better, more dignified way to age.
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Compare Epicurus’ views with Aristotle:
How different this sounds! Aristotle would avoid to summon his friends in times of need, because hesitation in annoying one’s friends with one’s own problems is the mark of the wise man.
Aristotle’s theory of happiness rests on three concepts: (1) the virtues; (2) phronesis or practical wisdom; and (3) eudaimonia or flourishing.
Epicurus is essentially an egoist. This is hard to avoid in his system, since the basis of his whole philosophy is the idea that we should aim to maximise our own happiness, which is equivalent to removing “pain in the body and trouble in the soul.” The happiness and welfare of others is only relevant insofar as it contributes to our own.
Is Epicurus really such a bad friend?
But things are not quite so bleak. The ancient statesman and scholar Cicero wrote:
So if we consider the other as a second self, then egoism becomes, in the words of Erich Fromm, an “egoism for two”. Hardly much nicer, but at least now the friend is not only a tool, but a person, to be treated himself as an end.
A comprehensive overview of Erich Fromm’s philosophy of happiness. We discuss his life, his ideas and his main works, both in their historical context and how they are still relevant for us today.
But perhaps we have misunderstood Epicurus. After all, Epicurus also writes, in the Vatican Sayings:
- We show our feeling for our friends' suffering, not with laments, but with thoughtful concern.
And also:
- The noble man is chiefly concerned with wisdom and friendship; of these, the former is a mortal good, the latter an immortal one.
These are not the words of someone who is calculating the benefits he can reap from his friends. Epicurus here places friendship even above wisdom… for while wisdom is mortal, friendship is immortal. This is, of course, an echo of Plato’s eternal love, the wish to possess the beloved forever, and that can only be fulfilled by realising that there is something that exists outside time, a world of ideas that are eternal and unchanging and which an eternity of time cannot wear down or destroy.
Here is Stephanie Mills’ book “Epicurean Simplicity.” It is a tender meditation on what makes life worth living and a declaration of love to nature and to life.
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And so, in the end, Epicurus can still surprise us with a statement so modern and so beautiful that it is hard to believe that someone wrote it down two thousand and three hundred years ago:
“Friendship,” Epicurus writes, “dances around the world bidding us all to awaken to the recognition of happiness.”
Because, after all, there is no happiness without friendship.
Return to The Ultimate Guide to Epicurus.
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Thanks for reading! Cover image by Janko Ferlič on Unsplash.
